My philosophy is not happiness oriented. The goal of my philosophy is contentment. Remember, not happiness, contentment is the highest good that can happen to you. And it happens only when you are egoless. It's the ego (self) that feels happiness and pain. The sign of egolessness is contentment, where there’s neither happiness nor pain.
Keeping this in view below I have given some suggestions as to how to live a good life by feeding other people’s ego. In other words, how to live “contentedly” by allowing others be “happy”.
How to better your life by feeding other people’s ego?
1. Let them think they are wiser. It’s very commonly seen that those who are higher than you in position tend to think they are wiser, too. For example, your boss, your parents, your relatives who are elder to you, etc. They often tend to be dominating.
Here’s what causes this tendency: They have also been subject to domination earlier in their life. When someone is being dominated his ego is humiliated. Let’s say, the ego incurs an expense. When in their life they have been under someone else’s domination their ego has incurred lot of expenses which it’s the nature of ego to recover when in the good position.
This is the reason they would not readily accept your decisions. Even when you propose a very intelligent idea that they are compelled to accept it they will be inclined to hold that in general they are wiser than you. In such cases, it’s a good idea to let them live with their superiority complex. As it is, they are higher than you in position. Proving to them your wisdom over theirs might hurt their ego badly and the resulting friction might generate ugly consequences for you.
Suggestion: Propose your idea. If accepted, fine. If not, give up. If you are really wise then you surely know to protect your ass. As for their ass, let it not be your concern. They will know the truth if their asses are burnt.
2. Don’t protest against defect finders. This comes from my experiences with so-called friends and colleagues – the people I frequently interact with in day to day life.
Do not protest against the people when they show you the defects / drawbacks of the things (or products) you are using. Say for instance, you have bought an expansive mobile phone. When you show it to your colleague he immediately comes up with a host of drawbacks in the particular phone model. Now since you have recently bought such an expansive phone it’s natural that your immediate reaction would be that of protesting. You would protest by trying to speak out the plus points to mask the drawbacks showed by him.
Don’t do that. You liked the phone. You bought it. If the drawbacks that he showed you are genuine then your good is in accepting them. If the plus points you see in the phone surmount the drawbacks shown by him then what he says doesn’t matter anyway. Why lose your energy by proving that your decision to buy the thing was right! What purpose would it serve but make your ego feel win-win and thereby give you a phony feeling of happiness for a while? Chuck it. Listen to what he says and forget it the next moment. Spare his ego. No friction. All’s good.
3. Don’t boast. Do you know that in order for you to actually feel happiness it’s essential that others know you are happy? Think about it. When something good happens in your life you won’t feel real happy until others know about it. Boasting is an aggressive way of doing just that. Don’t ever go boasting about your position, workplace, locality, the things you use, or whatever else that you feel like showing off. Remember, showing off is not so good for other people’s ego as it is for yours. Tame their ego. Forget yours!
4. Don’t speak of literature to the illiterate. Don’t talk to people about the things they won’t understand. This usually happens with me out of excitement.
Say you have decided to buy the elegant new iPhone and you are all excited about its features. You would naturally want to show the excitement by speaking about it all the time to whoever is in your proximity. Here, if that “whoever” happens to be one who has little or no interest, or no sense, in electronic gadgets then what’s the point! Yeah, you will get your dose of happiness by pouring on him your babble of excitement but you don’t know that you probably are boring him to death. Why do that? You are getting your thing anyway. Be content. Stay quiet.
5. Give genuine praise. Always try looking in all the people you face for the qualities for which you can give them genuine praise. Praise is the greatest pleasure for ego. Without exception, everyone likes receiving praise. Give people praise.
Remember, I am talking about “genuine” praise. If you can’t see a single quality in the person worth praising then don’t. Most probably, however, you will find at least one such quality in everyone. Give it a try. It will do no harm. Even if you don’t like the person overall, casually give him genuine praise once for the quality that deserves it. You never know what good it might entail!
6. Let them use you. Let them what?! Okay, easy. If someone is “using” you and you know it and you don’t want to “be used” then just get off the stage. There’s no need to put the person through embarrassment by showing that you know you are “being used” and won’t allow it anymore! Don’t be a hero!
Well, and if “being used” is NOT harming you in any way then you may rather want to re-think your step. Let others get what they are seeking and be happy by “using you”. So what if they “used” you! If it’s not harming you in any way then what’s the problem? Ego? Come on!
7. Let them boast. This point is not very difficult to understand since you very well know now why people want to boast. So, if someone is boasting about his position, workplace, locality, the things he uses, or whatever else that he feels like showing off then let him enjoy it. Don't throw cold water on him.
8. Let them lie about (or fabricate) things. If someone is lying to you about something then think what it will cost you to accept that lie. If it hasn’t got anything to do with you, and that the lie is merely for his “feel-good” and won’t cost you a penny then let him feel good by lying.
Same goes for the instances of fabrication of things. Don’t glorify your smartness by showing that you understand that the things are fabricated.
9. Lose a debate. Many a time it has happened with me that I am having debate with some fat-headed person who is more interested in “winning” the debate than in reaching up to a rational conclusion. Of course, I realize it long after the debate has started off, else I wouldn't have started the debate!
This is what happens: This person is NOT interested in a good conclusion. However strong and logical your points are, this person is absolutely blind to reason (or is acting so). What to do? Let him win! Tell him loud and clear that he won, you lost. Make him dance with happiness. As long as you know that you are right you are a winner anyway! You really think his approval matters? I mean, “his” approval? Getting me?
That's all I could come up with for now. Following these suggestions means avoiding countless instances of displeasing other people. Quite often there are avoidable things over which people displease one another, the cause of which is nothing but ego. If you dodge such traps of ego then your life will without doubt be a hell lot better!
If you can think of more points to add to the above article then please write them out in the comments.
Keeping this in view below I have given some suggestions as to how to live a good life by feeding other people’s ego. In other words, how to live “contentedly” by allowing others be “happy”.
How to better your life by feeding other people’s ego?
1. Let them think they are wiser. It’s very commonly seen that those who are higher than you in position tend to think they are wiser, too. For example, your boss, your parents, your relatives who are elder to you, etc. They often tend to be dominating.
Here’s what causes this tendency: They have also been subject to domination earlier in their life. When someone is being dominated his ego is humiliated. Let’s say, the ego incurs an expense. When in their life they have been under someone else’s domination their ego has incurred lot of expenses which it’s the nature of ego to recover when in the good position.
This is the reason they would not readily accept your decisions. Even when you propose a very intelligent idea that they are compelled to accept it they will be inclined to hold that in general they are wiser than you. In such cases, it’s a good idea to let them live with their superiority complex. As it is, they are higher than you in position. Proving to them your wisdom over theirs might hurt their ego badly and the resulting friction might generate ugly consequences for you.
Suggestion: Propose your idea. If accepted, fine. If not, give up. If you are really wise then you surely know to protect your ass. As for their ass, let it not be your concern. They will know the truth if their asses are burnt.
2. Don’t protest against defect finders. This comes from my experiences with so-called friends and colleagues – the people I frequently interact with in day to day life.
Do not protest against the people when they show you the defects / drawbacks of the things (or products) you are using. Say for instance, you have bought an expansive mobile phone. When you show it to your colleague he immediately comes up with a host of drawbacks in the particular phone model. Now since you have recently bought such an expansive phone it’s natural that your immediate reaction would be that of protesting. You would protest by trying to speak out the plus points to mask the drawbacks showed by him.
Don’t do that. You liked the phone. You bought it. If the drawbacks that he showed you are genuine then your good is in accepting them. If the plus points you see in the phone surmount the drawbacks shown by him then what he says doesn’t matter anyway. Why lose your energy by proving that your decision to buy the thing was right! What purpose would it serve but make your ego feel win-win and thereby give you a phony feeling of happiness for a while? Chuck it. Listen to what he says and forget it the next moment. Spare his ego. No friction. All’s good.
3. Don’t boast. Do you know that in order for you to actually feel happiness it’s essential that others know you are happy? Think about it. When something good happens in your life you won’t feel real happy until others know about it. Boasting is an aggressive way of doing just that. Don’t ever go boasting about your position, workplace, locality, the things you use, or whatever else that you feel like showing off. Remember, showing off is not so good for other people’s ego as it is for yours. Tame their ego. Forget yours!
4. Don’t speak of literature to the illiterate. Don’t talk to people about the things they won’t understand. This usually happens with me out of excitement.
Say you have decided to buy the elegant new iPhone and you are all excited about its features. You would naturally want to show the excitement by speaking about it all the time to whoever is in your proximity. Here, if that “whoever” happens to be one who has little or no interest, or no sense, in electronic gadgets then what’s the point! Yeah, you will get your dose of happiness by pouring on him your babble of excitement but you don’t know that you probably are boring him to death. Why do that? You are getting your thing anyway. Be content. Stay quiet.
5. Give genuine praise. Always try looking in all the people you face for the qualities for which you can give them genuine praise. Praise is the greatest pleasure for ego. Without exception, everyone likes receiving praise. Give people praise.
Remember, I am talking about “genuine” praise. If you can’t see a single quality in the person worth praising then don’t. Most probably, however, you will find at least one such quality in everyone. Give it a try. It will do no harm. Even if you don’t like the person overall, casually give him genuine praise once for the quality that deserves it. You never know what good it might entail!
6. Let them use you. Let them what?! Okay, easy. If someone is “using” you and you know it and you don’t want to “be used” then just get off the stage. There’s no need to put the person through embarrassment by showing that you know you are “being used” and won’t allow it anymore! Don’t be a hero!
Well, and if “being used” is NOT harming you in any way then you may rather want to re-think your step. Let others get what they are seeking and be happy by “using you”. So what if they “used” you! If it’s not harming you in any way then what’s the problem? Ego? Come on!
7. Let them boast. This point is not very difficult to understand since you very well know now why people want to boast. So, if someone is boasting about his position, workplace, locality, the things he uses, or whatever else that he feels like showing off then let him enjoy it. Don't throw cold water on him.
8. Let them lie about (or fabricate) things. If someone is lying to you about something then think what it will cost you to accept that lie. If it hasn’t got anything to do with you, and that the lie is merely for his “feel-good” and won’t cost you a penny then let him feel good by lying.
Same goes for the instances of fabrication of things. Don’t glorify your smartness by showing that you understand that the things are fabricated.
9. Lose a debate. Many a time it has happened with me that I am having debate with some fat-headed person who is more interested in “winning” the debate than in reaching up to a rational conclusion. Of course, I realize it long after the debate has started off, else I wouldn't have started the debate!
This is what happens: This person is NOT interested in a good conclusion. However strong and logical your points are, this person is absolutely blind to reason (or is acting so). What to do? Let him win! Tell him loud and clear that he won, you lost. Make him dance with happiness. As long as you know that you are right you are a winner anyway! You really think his approval matters? I mean, “his” approval? Getting me?
That's all I could come up with for now. Following these suggestions means avoiding countless instances of displeasing other people. Quite often there are avoidable things over which people displease one another, the cause of which is nothing but ego. If you dodge such traps of ego then your life will without doubt be a hell lot better!
If you can think of more points to add to the above article then please write them out in the comments.
a very nice post, i find it right because these are the exact things that i do... if i say i might be the most used up person then it wont be an exageration my parents always annoy me saying that ppl are using you, ppl are dominating u...
ReplyDeletewhat i have learnt from life is to be non serious about everything, let ppl do whtever they want, one need not be worried about all those stuffs, because these things are utterly small.. we need to learn to ignore..
Even if you dont boast about your capabilities.. ppl know where u stand, i gnerally dont enter into argument with ppl, because i know they are not worthy of one, let them win without resistance.. but when ppl with knowledge enter into an argument then surely they will know my true colors..
i would have to disagree with you on this one... because as long as u do this consciously(n believe me when u do this on purpose ... its shows) thats fine but in time this becomes a part of ur personality .. u become the fellow anyone can take for granted
ReplyDeletethere are times when u need to take a stand against such wise-guys or they just step right over u ... this inner capability of taking a stand can't be yielded overnight .. it takes time n practice ... i don't believe in No friction,All good. U might have seen ppl bragging all night at social get-togethers, about this n that ... but when in presence of certain ppl they know whats gud for them n just shut the hell up ... i'd rather be one of those people
@Naveen, I won't disagree with what you said. But understand that these are "suggestions" and not "rules". A person having good amount of intelligence would know where using these suggestions would benefit him and where it won't, and accordingly act.
ReplyDeleteWhat I have written in the article above is not some computer command meant for "thinking-less" robots. I assume that the reader is a human being with the ability to "think" and understand it in broad way imbibing its essence, instead of sticking to just what is written.
I actually agree for the most part, except for contentment. I think that contentment is dangerous because it doesn't last unless one is fulfilled, and not striving for contentment, but rather striving for spiritual fullfillment should be the goal. In that case, you would never be content because you would always want to improve, and I believe that is healthy. If you want to make someone feel good, I don't think humoring them is necessarily the best choice. Ignoring maybe. There is a very fine line between humoring and mocking. I feel that wisdom is the key to being able to apply these principles to our daily lives. It takes experience, and personal fullfillment that would allow someone the confidence to ignore certain things..does that make sense?. One thing I have found that helped me tremendously understand these principles, was the bible. I didn't realize how wise people spoke at the right times. It wasn't necessarily who they spoke to, but it was the words they spoke. I think it's important to understand that our words mean a lot. And, for any of us to be useful or helpful to another person, we must chose our words wisely. I have learned to say a lot less, unless it can be backed up by a credible source, such as the bible. If I do not know very much about the subject matter, then I should not speak, even if I feel like I already have an opinion. And when I buy something new, I do not show anyone really, just because it will automatically be subject to scruitiny, therefore putting me in the position to either boast or be angry. Does that make any sense to you? Modesty, wholeheartedly, is where you can avoid unecessary confrontation. Speak when it is for the right reason. And certainly, do not be self righteous. That is what I have learned from the earliest teachers.
ReplyDeleteGreat article! It's funny how I can see people's "Ego" in action right on your message board. "I don't agree with this" "I agree, BUT" lol. This article was written from a sincere place and I accept it for what it's worth. Thanks for sharing.
ReplyDelete