Love is such a profound and impacting feeling that for centuries people have been trying to understand it and there are hundreds of theories explaining it. But it's still topping the list of psychological pains the mankind suffers. Here I want to explain my idea of love.
Simply put, love is nothing but a liking beyond limit.
When you don't just like something, but like it “very much”, you say you “love” it. Love is the heightened state of liking. Nothing else. In case of interpersonal love, there are numerous reasons why you may feel love for someone. Note that there's no difference between “love” and “attraction”. You are attracted to the person you love. Few of the reasons for being attracted to someone are beauty, body language, sex appeal, nature, intelligence etc. Because of these or any of the countless other reasons you may develop an intense liking for some person. Whatever the reason be, nothing is wrong about it. Liking something is a pleasure. Like watching a flower is a pleasure. Or facing cool breeze on a mountain-top is a pleasurable experience. Love, too, is a pleasurable experience. The very natural characteristics of love are a feeling of compassion and care. That naturally comes because, of course, you would not like offending and thereby risk losing someone who gives you that pleasurable experience. It's like when you hold a delicate flower how it naturally occurs to you to hold it with care. That's because of love.
That's love. Love is a pleasurable experience of being in admiration of something or someone. The important thing to understand here is that it's those abstract things – beauty, body language, sex appeal, nature, intelligence etc – which are giving you this experience, and the object in concern (the person) is just a medium. You know that you can fall in love more than once. You have probably experienced this yourself. This very well proves that it's not the object but the qualities carried by the object which inspire love. It's a fallacy of human mind, or rather a weakness, that every time one is in love with someone one believes that this person is the best one could have and that this love was “meant to be” and the things like that.
Love is a magic in itself. This magic has nothing to do with the object of love. When you become obsessed with the object, love is no more love but a disease.
When I say “love is a magic in itself, and this magic has nothing to do with the object of love”, what I mean is that all the pleasure you derive out of love is in the act of loving itself. You love a flower because of its beauty and fragrance. They are not the object (which is the flower) but the qualities carried by the object. But in expression you say you love the flower. Then I have said “when you become obsessed with the object, love is no more love but a disease.” You love the flower. Now you become obsessed with it. But flower is a mortal thing. Prone to change. After a couple of days it's ugly. Now you grieve over it. No. Don't. Look there in the garden outside there are thousands of flowers spreading their beauty and fragrance. Once you see it you will again fall in love with some other flower. Because it was not the flower but the beauty of it which was captivating. It's the beauty which is eternal and everlasting and not the object.
An aware person would know this fact. Understand why you love. Identify the qualities in the object because of which your love for it is. And know that the object is just a medium. Don't be obsessed with the object, because it will not remain. Just like the flower does not remain. If you cling to the object there will be pain. Hence I call this sort of love, obsessive love, a disease.
There's nothing wrong if the flower remains for life. But the awareness of the essence of love is necessary. I would say ninety-nine percent of the people are ignorant. They get committed to the person they love. Then gradually as the flower loses its fragrance, the person loses those qualities, but still they cling to each other, only because they have lost the strength to be on their own again. Love is impossible in such a case. Then the only resort to keep from going mad is creating illusions. People then form illusions that love still is. But such love of illusion is not beautiful.
Simply put, love is nothing but a liking beyond limit.
When you don't just like something, but like it “very much”, you say you “love” it. Love is the heightened state of liking. Nothing else. In case of interpersonal love, there are numerous reasons why you may feel love for someone. Note that there's no difference between “love” and “attraction”. You are attracted to the person you love. Few of the reasons for being attracted to someone are beauty, body language, sex appeal, nature, intelligence etc. Because of these or any of the countless other reasons you may develop an intense liking for some person. Whatever the reason be, nothing is wrong about it. Liking something is a pleasure. Like watching a flower is a pleasure. Or facing cool breeze on a mountain-top is a pleasurable experience. Love, too, is a pleasurable experience. The very natural characteristics of love are a feeling of compassion and care. That naturally comes because, of course, you would not like offending and thereby risk losing someone who gives you that pleasurable experience. It's like when you hold a delicate flower how it naturally occurs to you to hold it with care. That's because of love.
That's love. Love is a pleasurable experience of being in admiration of something or someone. The important thing to understand here is that it's those abstract things – beauty, body language, sex appeal, nature, intelligence etc – which are giving you this experience, and the object in concern (the person) is just a medium. You know that you can fall in love more than once. You have probably experienced this yourself. This very well proves that it's not the object but the qualities carried by the object which inspire love. It's a fallacy of human mind, or rather a weakness, that every time one is in love with someone one believes that this person is the best one could have and that this love was “meant to be” and the things like that.
Love is a magic in itself. This magic has nothing to do with the object of love. When you become obsessed with the object, love is no more love but a disease.
When I say “love is a magic in itself, and this magic has nothing to do with the object of love”, what I mean is that all the pleasure you derive out of love is in the act of loving itself. You love a flower because of its beauty and fragrance. They are not the object (which is the flower) but the qualities carried by the object. But in expression you say you love the flower. Then I have said “when you become obsessed with the object, love is no more love but a disease.” You love the flower. Now you become obsessed with it. But flower is a mortal thing. Prone to change. After a couple of days it's ugly. Now you grieve over it. No. Don't. Look there in the garden outside there are thousands of flowers spreading their beauty and fragrance. Once you see it you will again fall in love with some other flower. Because it was not the flower but the beauty of it which was captivating. It's the beauty which is eternal and everlasting and not the object.
An aware person would know this fact. Understand why you love. Identify the qualities in the object because of which your love for it is. And know that the object is just a medium. Don't be obsessed with the object, because it will not remain. Just like the flower does not remain. If you cling to the object there will be pain. Hence I call this sort of love, obsessive love, a disease.
There's nothing wrong if the flower remains for life. But the awareness of the essence of love is necessary. I would say ninety-nine percent of the people are ignorant. They get committed to the person they love. Then gradually as the flower loses its fragrance, the person loses those qualities, but still they cling to each other, only because they have lost the strength to be on their own again. Love is impossible in such a case. Then the only resort to keep from going mad is creating illusions. People then form illusions that love still is. But such love of illusion is not beautiful.
love, a wise man shared with me, love is when you stop comparing :) love is when you cherish moments and not curse once he/she steps out of your life - love is when you live through like traveling in a train, being happy at the sights you see, knowing that you will forever remember them and accepting that they are treasure :)
ReplyDeleteDear Darshan,
ReplyDeleteGood Morning!
Being away from love,one can really appreciate your lines of wisdom!
But when one is in love,heart rules;not the head.
Everything is fair in war and love.have you heard?
By the way,are you not in love?
LOVE happens on its own like a bud blooms!It needs the right time!not the terma and conditions!
Experience is the best teacher.Let the world be filled with love and not with lust!
Wishing you a splendid Sunday,
Sasneham,
Anu
@american desi... love is when you stop comparing.. nice lines, and it does makes a lot of sense..
ReplyDelete@darshan.. it was really a pleasure reading this one, and the thing about ppl falling in love with the qualities rather than the object.. is absolutely right.. I would say i never thought like tht.. so its something new that i learnt today..
Love is a magic in itself. No Doubt. I am neither in Love nor ready to be in love bcz Love comes when you accept it least that is why m not preparing myself to be ready in Love. He will come by its own :)
ReplyDeleteQuite a philosophical take on love... I must say. And made for a nice read too :)
ReplyDeleteYes. Love is a magic in itself. Something that can only be felt... words are not enough to describe it...
Hey Mr. Divine, first of all, many congratulations to you on this new venture of yours. Best of my wishes & blessings always with you.... Now , moving on to your article , don`t know what to say ,all I would say , STUPENDOUS write up...Keep it up & keep them coming . Trust me , they are real eye openers... You know , your new one liner or I should be saying , the new defination of love is so mind blowing.." LOVE IS NOTHING BUT LIKING BEYOND LIMIT" truly AWESOME...
ReplyDeleteKeep up with the good work.... Take care & MGBU ..:-)
Hey Darshan..Love is not liking beyond limit, but its much beyond explanation..It's a magical experience..By reading your write up I understand that you also have experienced love but maybe there was a tragedy that befell..don't worry dude, you will surely fall in love once again nd life will be the same as before..all d best..nd I Love Love, coz I'm madly in love....
ReplyDeleteHiee Darshan, It was a lovely (Liked it very much) post....
ReplyDeleteI got your idea of Love and Obsessive Love very clearly from this..
Looking forward for more such posts.. TC :)
hey....was expecting some more coming out from yourside. knowing your potential, i know you can write better. and yes, "beyond limits"..may be some one's ending point is a "starting point for someone" else, agreed to your "magical explaination" of "magical feeling"
ReplyDeleteLove is just something which is too over-hyped. Most of us live in a fantasy world, and get disappointed when we don't get what we want. True love means admiring and respecting each other even after years and years of being together. If even then, a couple can go on talking as if it was just yesterday, THEN I would call it true love.
ReplyDeletevery well said - ''its not the object but qualities carried by object that inspire love''.
ReplyDeleteit was something new that i learned :)
i want to ask a question: what is the difference between love and lust?
Very strange explanation of love. You are forgetting the fact that the eyes that behold the flower are also mortal. When the flower starts to wither, you are supposed to water it and add new soil and if required transfer it to a new location. If this does not work, then you are suppose to ease it's passing. Moving off to a new flower is unromantic. Love is for fools, not for logical people. So be a fool. It is good.
ReplyDeleteWell, you've stirred up something here. For your model to work, each participant needs to be a 'happy' entity in itself. Otherwise, wobbly paths may cross with little or no purpose...that said, I think people expect a little too much from love. Ideally, after "soul mates" or mixed in with it, they need to remain best, respectful friends.
ReplyDelete- jfh_dragonfly (Joss)
On another note, did you know that statistically, arranged marriages have a slightly better chance of long-term success than those undertaken for love? Perhaps because the expectations aren't quite so high? What are your thoughts?
@Anupama,
ReplyDelete"Being away from love, one can really appreciate your lines of wisdom! But when one is in love, heart rules; not the head. Everything is fair in war and love. have you heard? By the way, are you not in love? LOVE happens on its own like a bud blooms! It needs the right time! not the terma and conditions! Experience is the best teacher. Let the world be filled with love and not with lust!"
More than half of your comment is made of "borrowed quotes", most of which is not only borrowed but also out of context! With this, how can I believe that YOU have better understanding of love than me?
@Ellen, Thanks for following my blog. I am very glad to know that you find my writing interesting.
ReplyDeleteI stumbled upon your blog when I was randomly browsing the blogs of the people who have mentioned similar interests as mine in their Blogger profile.
@Anonymous (Joss),
ReplyDelete"For your model to work, each participant needs to be a "happy" entity in itself."
You said it! "Contented" is the word.
"Love is a magic in itself. This magic has nothing to do with the object of love. When you become obsessed with the object, love is no more love but a disease" - Profound. :) Thank you for sharing this, I think I realize what went wrong down the line in my case, now.
ReplyDeleteThis is deep,i like : )
ReplyDeleteGood write up. I agree with your idea of "obsessive love" and the idea of loving the "qualities" that the object holds instead of the object itself.
ReplyDeleteLooking forward to reading more of your posts! :)
Darshan,
ReplyDeleteThanks for bringing me to this blog post. I would be less than honest if I say I was extremely busy to be not reading and commenting on your blogs. Of late, I had been getting physically very tired (my course, of which I had given you a hint in one of the emails has begun), so most of my energy was spent in blogging, editing the CSS of my old Blogger blog, preparing the blog roll, etc., rather than on reading and commenting on others' blogs.
I would say you have very rightly pointed out the reasons people fall in love. But what needs to be factored in is that deep introspection is not a habit that everyone inculcates. When people get attracted (be it to a person or an object), they just act under its influence, without pausing for a moment to make out what exactly it is about the attractant that attracts them. Plus, this intellectual laziness is justified using platitudes like "love knows no reason", "it is a matter of heart and not brain", etc. Look carefully, and almost analogous are the reasons people invoke 'faith' to believe in the supernatural.
However, I would not go on to call this form of obsessive love a disease. For something to be 'statistically' a disease it has to be present in less than 95% people! ;)
I have been through the above kind of obsessive love. And when it had fell apart, it was indeed one of the most painful experiences of my life. But yet, never do I regret it.
Perhaps, just loving is not important. And more important, there is a different between loving an inanimate object/animal that cannot reciprocate love and a fellow human, who can. Of course, this I have told many times before, but when a person loves you back, you find it a validation of the way you are. Just like you know you love a person for their qualities, thoughts, words and actions, when you are loved back, you know that it is for YOUR qualities, thoughts, words and actions. I feel 'nice' to have what I stand for endorsed so unambiguously by way of someone committing their 'life' to me, which involves committing so many emotions, thoughts, words and actions exclusively to *me*. Isn't that the best compliment one could pay?
And yes, whether wanting such compliments is a weakness or not is a different matter! ;) Yes perhaps, it is a weakness, but giving into such weakness makes life lot more interesting for me. :D
I had blogged about something very much related here - Dichotomy: Love and Loyalty (click).
Enjoyed reading this!
If individuals are able to keep spaces in their togetherness, the degeneration of love can be obviated. By nurturing and co-investing, we can keep renewing ourselves and that we like “very much”. Its fun to keep reinventing and discovering the newness in ourselves.
ReplyDelete