Can You Freely Talk About Sex?

In my previous article What Counts: Outer Looks or Inner Beauty I talked about sex for the first time on this blog and as was expected I received more unfriendly reviews than friendly ones. Some friends called me “pervert”. Some removed me from their friend-list in a rather insulting way. However, on the whole, it’s been amusing. I would like to share one review that conferred on me yet another insight (which makes me write this article). Here’s what this person says –

You have now raised a question in my mind about your IQ with this write up. Perhaps removing your hands from your pockets will improve your philosophy.

Big applause for this!

Now, since I may talk a lot about sex in future on this blog I thought it extremely imperative to give my sensitive readers some growing-up-pills. So here I am, again talking about sex.

First of all, perverts are not those who talk about sex as freely as they talk about anything else. Real perverts are those who are "shaken" (agitated) by the sight of the word SEX! Perhaps all they know about sex is jerking off and fucking. They can't understand sex any better.

I see more than half of the miseries of human beings (especially, the youngsters) are directly or indirectly connected with sex. That certainly makes sex a very important issue and necessitates me to think about it to find out why sex governs people’s thinking and in what ways it’s creating problems in their living.

And why, it does not stir you when one talks about love, nature, science, or anything else. What’s so powerful about sex that’s so moving you?

Is sex an ugly thing? The whole world exists because of sex. Sex is present in every living thing. Butterflies are colorful because of sex. Flowers are fragrant because of sex. Birds sing because of sex. All these beautiful things exist so that sex can take place and the world continues. Sex is such a common thing that’s prevalent in every bit of life on the planet. If you can not talk freely about the commonest thing as sex then there’s certainly something wrong in your mind.

This also calls to mind how some people oppose even giving sex education to children in schools. These morons are real perverts. They believe sex has extraordinary powers that will badly influence minds and disrupt “smooth” functioning of the world if it’s talked about in classrooms. Thus, they are preventing sex to come as a commonplace thing to people which it actually is. If looking at the word SEX all they see is tits and balls then it’s their problem!

You can talk about gruesome things as murder, world wars, nuclear weapons, alright; but talking about sex is pervert!? Start thinking better than bullshit, folks!

Remember, just as every movie which shows nude love-making is not porn, every piece of writing which talks about sex is not a product of pervert mind.

Grow up!

• Why Is Sex Pleasurable?
• What Counts: Outer Looks or Inner Beauty

What Counts: Outer Looks or Inner Beauty

First of all I would make it clear that I am not talking about what “should be” and “should not be”. I am showing here what “is”.

We hear many people saying looks are not important for them. The “inner-beauty” is all what they look for in people. They are liars. Let me tell you this: Looks is the first thing that counts for each and every human being in the world. (And for quite a many of them, the only one!)

You are also not out of it, I tell you, if you have already started to defend yourself in your mind. Let me show you. Just imagine you entered a cafeteria where there are only two seats vacant. One is on the table which is occupied by a good looking person (of the opposite sex, of course) and another one is on the table which is occupied by a not-so-good looking* person. You’ve got to share a table with either of these two persons. Now supposing they both are equally strangers to you who will you choose to share a table with? This you can decide for yourself. Unless you are prejudiced in some way about good-looks or have inferiority complex, you will feel inclined to sit with the good looking person. Does that mean you are mean? No. And that does not even have to mean that you generally carry dislike towards not-so-good looking people. That’s just your natural inclination. The first impulse is always, always in favor of good looks.

Give you another very common example. We all use social networking websites these days. Orkut, Facebook etc. Suppose you are getting bored and decide to randomly browse other people’s profiles. Do you ever notice that you pick those people’s profile with good looking display pics more often than those who have not-so-good looking pics? (It’s also quite possible that you pick those with good looking pics only. Observe yourself next time!) Let me tell you again this does not mean you are mean or anything. It just means that however mean it might sound, and however unpleasant it is to accept it, looks is very important for everyone and always counts first!

The first thing that appeals to everyone is looks, and then comes everything else.

The reason looks is important to everyone is because it is connected with sex. Now you will think how on earth sex fits here. I will show how it does. Sexual instinct is equally present in every normal human being, irrespective of gender, religion, nationality and whatever else. And we all know it’s the greatest pleasure. That’s the reason sex is also categorized in life’s basic necessities. (Though some people don’t like to agree with it but that does not matter because the instinct is universal anyway.) Now think this way: Food is also a basic necessity. Given a choice would you like to eat something which tastes good, or you would prefer something with no-so-good taste? You know it. Even though the food with not-so-good taste might be nutrition-rich your inclination will be towards good taste unless you’ve got no taste buds on your tongue!

So important is sex, which makes looks important, too. By looks I don’t mean beauty. Beauty is something that pleases your senses when you look at it. Like cuteness of a baby, or even natural scenery. But here looks essentially means the over-all sex-appeal, of which beauty fills just a part.

Does it mean that every time you choose a person with good looks (for conversation, friendship, or just random profile-browsing on the internet) it has something to do with your sexual instinct? Well, yes. If you are not conscious of it (or don’t want to appear so) then that’s a different thing.

So, here’s another ugly truth: Sexual instinct rules your decisions (to a good extent!).

There was a survey conducted in which most people agreed upon the thing that when they were looking for a short-term relationship (which is most often for mutual sexual benefit) they would go for good looks. But when considering a long-term relationship (marriage) they would look for “inner-beauty”. Now this is quite understandable.

I would say there are two types of people here who would look for “inner-beauty” when going for a long-term relationship. The first type is those who are in love. By “inner-beauty” they mean good and caring nature, understanding and/or intelligence. To put it simply, they will find “inner-beauty” in the person who shares the same wavelength with them; who has in him/her the qualities that they are attracted to and admire. It’s purely subjective. There are no defined standards for "inner-beauty". Thus, these people who happen to be in love with some person would ignore his/her looks and give priority to “inner-beauty”. And it’s perfectly alright. Sharing the same wavelength with someone has a great joy. But still that does not really prove that looks don’t count. They are the same people who fantasize about a sexy film-actor in the bathroom while masturbating. Why, not only in the bathroom, even while giving orgasms to the loved partner they do fantasize about the sexy neighbor. It’s no secret, you see. Even sexologists advise it for those couples who are finding it difficult to sexually satisfy each other. It’s considered a healthy practice! And we like to say looks don’t count! (With my own supreme standards I even wonder how they can be called faithful couples!)

The other type is those people who purposely do their pre-marriage “enjoyment” with the sexy creatures but when it’s time to marry they would choose simplicity. (You see, “simple” is actually the dignifying word for “not-so-good looking”.) Because sexier the partner more would be the “admirers”. And more of “admirers” means higher possibility of the partner’s falling in the seduction-trap and turning unfaithful! How weak is human mind when sex is the thing! So, these people prefer “simple” looking partner because they don’t want their partner to be preyed on by the “admirers”. It’s creepy, but it does go on because of the fact that looks count a great deal!

As long as sex will be, looks will remain important. No one in the world can deny it.

I am not trying to prove that looks is most important or the only thing that counts for you. Of course, inner beauty is far more important in every other aspect of a relationship apart from sex. All I am saying is if you are saying that you don’t go after looks and the “inner-beauty” is only what’s important for you then, you’d better know it now, you're a big freaking liar!

*By “not-so-good looking” I don’t mean “ugly”.

Who Was Baruch Spinoza?

Baruch Spinoza (also known as Benedict de Spinoza) was a Dutch philosopher. Spinoza's life is full of inspiration for the people of 21st century. Today, I want to discuss the details of his life and thinking.

He was boycotted in the whole of Christian and Jew community because he didn't accept Jesus Christ as God. Prior to Spinoza, a Roman philosopher called Bruno, too, was put afire for making a statement as Nature is God and God is Nature, and that God is there inside every man.

Philosophy of both these men is explained in a few lines of the following poem -

When you, with the help of language
Call a river a river,
Do you know…?
It is a flower, too.
It is a sun, too.
It is all of Nature.

When Spinoza was expelled from many lands due to his atheist-like beliefs about God and was not getting lectureship in any college he was offered a help of $500 a year by one of the wealthy men of then. But he did not accept it. At the end of much insistence he said: My yearly expense is $50, and only so much I will accept. The rest of the money you may give others needing it. To earn more than is needed is an offense towards the mankind. After saving as much as one's need one should help others as we all are a part of God. When you help them, God would be happy. Love all as you love God.

Spinoza was born 374 years ago in a Jew family. At the time when all the Jews were expelled from Spain he took birth in Amsterdam, Holland, in a successful merchant's house. He was brought up at the place in Europe full of opposition for Jews. He did not want to run business and earn money. He never digested things as a man condemning another man, or a religion fighting against another religion.

He read many scriptures. At last, he concluded that God is in the form of Nature. God does not have a separate body. As he went on reading Christian, Jew, Hindu and other scriptures, his faith in the religions kept dwindling and finally vanished. He rebelled against the belief of “humans never dying”, then being popularized by some Christian priests. As a result he was excommunicated at the age of 24. It is interesting to know the method and the words the fat-headed Christian priests adopted to set an opposition for him.

Henceforward no one should talk with Spinoza. Or write to him. Or read what has been written by him. No one should offer work to him. No one should stay in the house with him. Everyone should keep a three-feet distance from him. And what ever book he does write should not be read.

Withstanding such contempt the young philosopher went on to live alone, but never joined any religious group. His father relinquished him. He could become a Hebrew scholar and a priest, but did not. His sisters did swindle him over inheritance from his family property. Friends went aloof. His heart grew evermore hard towards those “trading religions”. He said all the monks are thriving on the ignorance of learned wealthy men. They do not know the true element. Or do they know but do not teach the truth to people. Because if they said, “Man, you are yourself a part of God, and thus grow your own potential and you will become one with God”, then the whole bazaar would no more remain. The monks earn billions worth of properties and respect just being the brokers of God and religion.

Spinoza's real name was Baruch, which he had to change, owing to his boycott, to Benedict. A merciful family in Amsterdam gave him the place to live. He started giving tuition to the school children. Then he felt that earning only from teaching religion is a bad business. He said, every scholar should take up some or the other work involving bodily movements. So, being an all-rounder he took upon the work of making spectacle glasses. By this he hardly earned enough to keep going. But still he took tuition fees only if offered. He adopted the sutra: Work keeps one virtuous whereas every learned man who fails to acquire a trade will at last turn out rouge.

After teaching philosophy to children, Spinoza lived some years on the income of spectacle glasses. The lady who had given him the room brought tiffin for him. He ate, but not fully. He kept track of his, though small, income. Gave away to poor children what ever he earned over and above his needs. He wore slovenly, simple cloths.

His simple advice was concerning “self preservation.” He denied accepting the advices of Self Control and Suppression then being given by the priests. He said desire is the essence of being human. What is a man after all? A man is formed out of desires. Gratify the desires. Do enjoy. Pain and grievances will come even if you put control on yourself. But if along with fulfilling your desires you conserve yourself then there is no harm in enjoying. The world is your father's property, use it to the fullest. You have to go to the other side of passion. Instead of condemning the lust, you have to enjoy it, understand its nature, and cross it.

Jews boycotted him. Not only that, he was charged for having rejected God and disrespected the Jesus, and given ten years' imprisonment. During that time he wrote his important book. It was only published after his death. He had many against him, but also, many who respected him. One wealthy man of Amsterdam sent him a gift of $1000, but he did not accept it. One other did leave all his property to Spinoza in his will. Spinoza said to him: I do not need it; your brother needs it more. Even then, that man left $250 a month after his death to be given to Spinoza. Spinoza did not accept that too. After that, the king of Holland, Louis the 14th offered him a life-time pension, on the condition that he submitted his book to the king. He refused.

Do you see a philosopher monk like Spinoza today? When he came to know that he has caught TB due to the particles of the glass he worked with he did not have enough money to get it cured. The University of Heidelberg offered him professorship. He politely said to the chancellor of the university: If I accepted the professorship, you will not allow me to express some of my beliefs. So he did not accept it too. People asked him the reason for such a foolery. He said: I was separated from wealth and respect at the very time I was boycotted; all is for good. Wealth and fame are the only reasons for all the pain of the humankind.

The love towards a thing eternal and infinite alone feeds the mind with a pleasure secure from all pain. The greatest good is the knowledge of the union which the mind has with the whole Nature. – Baruch Spinoza.


This article was originally written by the Gujarati-language writer Kanti Bhatt. Translated into English by Darhan Chande.