What is friendship?

You feel more for those who understand you better, and you would feel nothing for those who don’t understand you at all.

In a social world there exist many kinds of relationships. Some relationships come with birth, while others are developed in the course of life. Without relationships human life is inconceivable. However, it is important to know which relationship is important for life.

As I said, some relationships come with birth. You don’t have to do anything to get into those relationships. Like your relationship with your parents, and with the immediate members of your parents’ families. Even if you don’t know some of the members of your parents’ families you are related to them. So, they are the relationships which are come with your birth. The other type is those relationships which are developed in the course of your life. Your neighbors, teachers, boss etc. fall into this type.

Take a distant look and you will see that both types of relationships I mentioned above are important for your life as a social animal. Take a close look and you will see that all relationships are merely the tools to fulfill your social needs. Parents would take care of you while you are growing up; teachers would feed your mind with knowledge which you will require for dealing in worldly affairs; neighbors would help you when you have run short of sugar; and boss would give you a salary to fuel your living, and so on. These are all fulfilling just your social needs.

As humans we do have a more important need than the social needs. It is the need of the mind. It is our psychological need which is, in a way, more important than the social needs. That need is the need for friendship. I believe that the most important thing out of all relationships you need as a human – not just as a social animal – is friendship.

Friendship is not a relationship. It’s the quality of a relationship. Don’t mistake friendship for just another type of relationship. Any relationship can be friendship if it has the quality. You can be friends with your parents, teachers, boss… anyone.

What is friendship and who is a friend?

My school of rationality says a friend is the one who understands your thoughts and respects them.

Why your thoughts? Because you are what you think. Your character is a sum of your words, actions, and the overall living; and all of these things are guided by your thoughts. So, if someone understands your thoughts and respects them then it means he understands and respects what you are. When you find such a relationship only then it is friendship. Any relation, who does not understand and respect your thoughts, does not know you and, is not a friend.

Friendship is understanding and respect. This is a simple, yet the most comprehensive definition of friendship.

Important thing to note here is that it is not necessary for a friend to understand your each and every thought. This is because the shape of your thoughts is affected by factors such as your own experiences, your domestic environment, and the kind of books you have read etc. These factors may differ for different people. In the depths of our mind we all have some thoughts that we rarely think of expressing because we don’t see the person who would understand them. If so is the thought, and your friend is unable to understand it then it would not render the relationship any lesser than friendship – provided that he has the realization that everyone has some thoughts which may be difficult to understand for others. The respect remains intact only when there is this realization. Thus, when I say understanding of your thoughts it is general understanding and not specific. In any case, respect is must.

I say most important thing humans need out of any relationship is friendship. Now you will understand the statement. Have you ever noticed that you feel attached only with those who understand and respect you? Because that is the only way your mind feels attachment with someone. Understanding with respect is a pleasure which the human mind needs as much as the body needs sex. Unless one satisfies the basic need of your mind there is no way it will feel attachment with one.

Observe those around you whom you call friends and relations. You will see that you have segregated the people; categorized them as the most important, less important, least important and unimportant people. Some you call “best friends”, while others are “just friends”, and so on. Ever observed on what basis you categorize people? The only basis you use is how much the person understands and respects you.

You feel more for those who understand you better, and you would feel nothing for those who don’t understand you at all. It’s the law that governs social aspect of the human mind.

You should have noticed that deep thinkers have fewer friends. If you are among deep thinkers then you would know it very well. Those who are having numerous friends are, without exception, the people with ordinary thoughts; because when you think ordinary it is easy to find people who understand you and friendships develop quickly. Look at the life of the great philosophers. Most of them have lived without friends; because friendship can not exist without understanding and respect.

Friendship completely rides on understanding and respect.

Is friendship permanent?

I have often said that nothing is constant and permanent in the world – not even true love. How can a friendship be permanent then? However, when I am saying this I don’t mean it as a rule.

Theoretically, yes, friendship can be permanent, but often times when people say the words as “forever friendship” or “friends forever” they are saying it not rationally but out of excitement. Of course, when the relationship is going great you would love to think it lasts forever and get carried away with the thought. But now that you understand what friendship really is – which is understanding and respect of one’s thoughts – you can think rationally over it.

Are your thoughts consistent or they keep changing? As you keep moving on in your life you keep learning new things which would keep refining your thoughts. So, when your thinking changes, you change. Today someone understands you and is your friend, but how can you count on him for tomorrow, when you yourself will have changed? And if you can change, so can your friend. It is likely that tomorrow either you will change and remain no more understandable or respectable for the other person, or vice versa.

As long as the friends are walking on the same path there is no reason for the friendship to break. But on the contrary, there is no reason for it to continue, if it’s the otherwise – and that shouldn’t be shocking or surprising.

Now you can calculate how many friends you have got today. They may be anywhere; in your parents, your neighbors, teachers, boss, and so on.

You must be having many people in your life who you call your friends, maybe because you don’t know another word to identify them with, or you don’t know what friendship really is… OR your definition of friendship is different.

This was my theory of friendship.